Not Forever
by explicitlyperfect
Summary: The story of Death Note, as told through the experiences of Matt, Mello and Near. There are some explicit themes, and angst, yaoi. It centers on the events from Wammy's House.
1. Don't Leave Me

Not Forever No. 1

He paced back and forth, the empty hallway. There was nothing to be heard except for soft whispers and solemn tones eminating from the room at the end. He hoped, but what else can he do at this point? There was nothing else to do but to wait for the news of what happens next. He tugged on his rosary and whispered a silent prayer. He silently wished for his most admired hero, L to have succeeded in his promised tasked. Whatever the news may be, he wished that all the work hes done so far had counted. Though unlikely, Mello wished that maybe, with just a grain of hope, that he has finally surpassed his competitor, Near.

Suddenly, the door's lock clicked open and a strange looking old man, had peered out slightly and gestured for the blonde to enter. Inside, the spacious room there was nothing but bright glass windows, allowing the light to seep in. Sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by robotic toys and towers of dice were none other than his much hated Near. He glanced over at his nemesis, eyeing him dangerously, as if he wanted to strangle the estranged childish albino. Near dismissed the look, and nonchalantly twirled his hair.

"Roger, I understand the circumstance, but why have you called us here?" he spoke in his usual monotone voice.

"It seems that there are some grave news..." the old man, Roger silently spoke, his voice filled with sadness, but also in concern. Mello stood by Near, his bright turquoise eyes staring intently at the elderly man.

Roger straightened out his posture, sitting more upright now, as he spoke, "L has died, and..." He was roughly cut off by the agressive blonde's angry words. "But he can't... he promised me that he will catch Kira, and he got killed? No! Did he even deciede which one of us he wanted to succeede him?"

"No, unfortunately he died before he came to his decision. Mello, you and Near should work together... that would be the best decision for now." Roger said calmly, though in the back of his mind, the thought of Mello's agressive reaction to come lingered.

Mello's eyes narrowed his facial expression strained, the rage plastered all over his perfect features. How dare he suggest that? After all the two had been through, all their competions, and the severe disagreements, and plainly their extreme differences in personalities.

In his anger, he grabed Roger by the collar of his shirt, yanking the old man forward. "How could you suggest that?" he quickly let go, and he turned away, "Near is more fit to succeede than me. He has no emotions to distract him, he just calculates everything like its a puzzle or a game." He spitted out, his voice dripping with poison, as we walked away angrily.

The door clicked open, and a tall, red-headed teen peeks his head in, accidentally. He looks directly at Mello, his eyes wide with shock. He mutters an apology for interupting and he leave, shutting the door behind him.

Mello couldn't believe that Matt had heard, he silently cursed himself, but his blood was boiling with rage, for some reason he believed that Matt would understand, though he was deeply concerned shoves his thoughts out of his mind.

"No... Mello..." Roger calls out.

"As for me, I'm leaving this institution; I'm almost 15, I can take care of myself."

Those were his final words as he walks shutting the door. Again, he was beat by Near, but now it was by choice, and it was time to make a new legacy for himself, as Mihael Keehl, not number 2. As he hurridly packed his belongings in a black backpack, all he could think of was how to say goodbye. Goodybe, was a word he heard almost daily as a child, and such painful memories should not be experienced once more by anybody else. Especially not Matt.

He walked into an empty hallway, pictures of miscellanious children lining the walls, their laughters echoing from the room at the end. With his the many thoughts rushing through his head, he silenced them. Acting as if nothing was wrong, his strode his way past toddlers playing on the floor and made his way to a copper headed teen, with his shoulders slumped forward, his thumbs busily twidling the controller, as his attention completely focused on his tasked at hand. "Matt." He touched the red head's shoulder gently. He nodded and took a long drag of his cigarette. "Hey, Mello? Whats up? How'd it go?" he asked as he continued to play his game, hidden under his orange tinted goggles was his saddened eyes. He pretended, and he wished, that maybe what he had accidentally overheard was nothing more than his lover's angry outburst.

Mello half dragged Matt back to their shared room, having Matt frantically save his game.

"Whats so important that it had to be now, Mello? I almost beat that level." Matt asked. He masked his true feelings with his words.

Asking for the words Mello uttered to be nothing but rage, they echoed in his ears, deafening him with what might be true.

Mello looked at him sadly, with his shoulders slumped and his head held down. Matt stared at him intently, as if trying to read his emotions, with his beautiful bright green eyes. He would miss that. He would miss his kisses, his scent, the noise of his gaming at 3 am, the smell of his cigarettes. Everything.

He vowed that it would never happen again, he never wanted to leave someone he loved so dearly. Matt held the blonde's hand tightly, as he tilted his chin upwards, to have them meet eyes. Kissing him gently on his soft pink lips, as silent tears began to fall from his eyes. As if he had already known. "Just go." He pushes Mello away, as he rubs his eyes with his sleeve. Mello stared at him, shocked. This was Matt, and he never cried for anything, not when his mother died, not when his father beat him, and not even when Mello refused to talk to him for a week, after he found out that Matt had been helping Near with his homework.

He reached for the red head's hand, and pulled him in for a kiss, their tongues interlocking, wiped Matt's tears away. "Make me yours tonight, Matt? Even for one last time." He whispered sensually in the his copper headed lover's ear. Matt sighed, and smiled slightly "Not just tonight, you'll always be mine, Mello. No matter where you go, can you promise me, that you'll always love me?" he whispered back, caressing his lover's naked member, with his long slender fingers. "Nghn...Matt...ah...I love...you...Always." Mello moaned through his pleasured moans, his face flushed with esctacy, and erotic pleasure, as Matt lifted his toned hips, inserting into his lover's moist entrance. He rocked in a forward motion, slowly, making sure it would last. He sighed deeply, his heavy breathing, accompanied Mello's pleasured moans, as the last thrust, made him spill his seed inside his lover, causing the blonde to errupt in a loud moan his body overwhelemed with pleasure, his body shaking from the feeling, sighing in content as Matt pulled out, his body shaking.

Matt stood up, pulling his boxers on, and then his pants. He walks over their closet, and pulls out a large wad of cash, pulled together with a rubber band. Mello sat up abruptly looking at the clock, it was 1 am, and it was time to make his move. He looked sadly at Matt, who handed him the bills.

"Here. You need it, I was saving it for an emergency, but I guess you need it." Matt turned away from him, lighting a cigarette, and taking a long puff. Mello got dressed, and kissed him on the cheek.

"Good Bye, Matt..." he almost whispered as he picked up his black backpack, and made his way to the door.

"Not, forever Mello." Matt said with an enthusiastic smile plastered on his face as he waved goodbye.

Mello gave him a small smile, as he left.

Matt paused his game, and took a deep breath. Why did he have to leave? He blamed himself, thought of every flaw imaginable and placed it upon himself. He cursed silently, as he climbed into bed and distorted his body up into a curled ball. Clutching Mello's pillow, promising himself that one day, when it was the right time, that he will find Mello.

"Someday..." he whispered as he drifted into uneasy sleep.


	2. Nightmares

Not Forever No. 2

Matt's dreams were distorted. He tossed and turned in his uncomfortable slumber.

His surroundings illuminated by the sun's rays, as he raced around the silent park, A large oak tree swayed with the wind, and seemed to dance for him. At peace with the world, he waved enthusiastically at a beautiful young woman. Dressed in a light blue sun dress, that complimented her perfect figure, her long, copper-colored hair, adorned with a flower swayed in the breeze as she waved back to him. His cherubic face plastered with an innocent smile. He ran back and forth, grabbing hold of the swining tire swing, swaying back and forth, his childish imaginations, allowing him to roam, free to imagine adventerous tales as he played pretend. He ran towards her. Her arms warm and welcoming as she awaited his embrace.

Silence.

Her smiled was upturned, her sparkling green eyes froze with terror. He looked behind him, and gasped. A man, with wild locks of brown hair, approached her, as he shoved the young boy aside. A knife in his hand, his hazel eyes clouded with rage. Her mouth opened, as if to scream, but no sound was to be heard. She motioned for him to leave. A sacrifice, that was all too real. So he hid, behind the old oak tree, clutching on to the fallen flower, that belonged to her. Her screams were silent, no sound was present, his fearful tears dripped down his face, hoping silently for her safe escape.

But he dared look back, to see her lifeless corpse sprawled on the ground, her cold dead eyes focused to an empty stare. Her mouth forever frozen in a disturbing smile. Matt caressed her cheek, to be painfully struck in the face by his father. He braced for impact, as he feel his back arch, hitting the tree's harsh bark. A unusual sensation enveloped his body, as the tree seemed to consume him.

Darkness filled his eyes.

He was pulled forward, by a strong yet gentle hand, and a familiar face apeared, once again he saw eye to eye with his blonde lover. He smiled as he tried to pull Mello into a hug, but his cold eyes stared him down, as he was pushed away. He watched as Mello faded from his vision.

Reality struck him hard, like cold water.

He grogilly sat up, and rubbed his eyes, still wet from his agonizing tears. He was alone. Nothing to be heard except for the silent humming of the game console as it played the games' opening credits in a loop. His face lit up by the eerie glowing light of the T.V. Matt checked his clock, 3:30. With nothing but his thoughts to entertain him, he cursed his weakness. His greif over powered him, and he allowed it. Silently he stood up, and straigtened himself up. Opening a drawer, he pulled out a pocket knife.

Slicing his arms, drawing forth the blood, like scarlet ribbons that pooled around him. Agony, pain, misery and suffering was the only way to reedem himself. He cursed himself, inflicting his self-punishment, as the night went on. No one heard his cries for help, no one ever did. Mello was the exception, he alieviated Matt's greif, and like a mental patient without pills, he started to unravel.

Happy thoughts were at least faked in the presence of his love, and memories of joy were recalled with Mello. But now, what else was there to live for?

No. He gripped the handle of his pocket knife and threw it to the ground. He frowned at himself in anger. He hastily wiped off the blood on his arm with his shirt.

"Mello, I fucking swear, that someday I'll find you, and by that time I would take care of you. Remember this, Mihael I'm not your fucking dog, and I'll prove that to you..." he whispered angrily.


	3. Yearning and Rape

Not Forever No. 3

The sunrise peaked over the horizon, and Near silently sat by the window still by his bedroom window, it was overlooking the peaceful backyard, where children of all ages played. He envied them. If he could have suppressed himself, then maybe Mello would have stayed. "Just maybe..." he said to himself, his expression still remained emotionless as he stared out.

No sound escaped his lips as he closed his eyes, memories flooding back.

It was a sunny day, the sun's rays penetrating the light green lawn, warming his feet. A young blonde playing tag with his copper-headed friend. A small estranged, albino child sitting quietly playing with his toys.

Children's laughter echoed. A warm smile plastered on the now stoic albino's faces as a bright daisy was handed to him by his love. "Mello." he whispered as his slow descend to reality annoyed him. Regardless of what everyone else had cautioned him, his heart belonged to none other than his blonde, hot-headed rival.

But it wasn't always this way, he recalled a time in their childhood, a time where they were friends. He cringed at the thought of the unfamiliar word. His overly calculating mind, specualted many reasons for why Mello had started to resent him. But he still blamed himself, he searched for his flaws and blamed it solely on himself.

Sitting himself on the floor, hugging his knees, he cried softly. Surrounded by nothing but his toys, their plastic faces staring right at him, as if mocking his misery. Near released his pent up aggressions, while he said under his breath, "I don't love him. I-I don't..."

His mind raced constantly, thinking of why he no one, with the exception of Mello had ever caused any stir of emotion in him.

Matt sulked silently in his chair, thumbs twiddling as he aimed to defeat his high score. His resentment for Mello's actions grew, and his chance to leave was quickly coming up. His 18th birthday was just around the corner as January drew to a close. During those 3 years that he spent apart with his lover, had caused him nothing but grief.

Though he never showed it, especially when Mello would call. He would pretend like everything was alright. He missed Mello, and was about to be reunited with him, but his temple pulsed, as his tragic memories returned to him.

It was a typical breezy afternoon in the english orphanage, Wammy's House. Near sat silently in his room kept busy with his stacked dice, and colorful robots, while Matt was on the phone, with his eyes narrowed, and lips upturned into an angry frown.

"What do you mean by that, Mello?" Matt exclaimed angrily.

"You heard me. I want a break from you, thats all." Mello replied calmly.

"Fuck you, I've wasted so much time waiting. Don't you know I love you?" Matt said through anger gritted teeth.

"No Matt, I never told you to wait, you chose to, I'm tired of arguing good bye." Mello replied, his voice showed boredom, as he hung up.

Matt was furious, like an abandoned house, or a cast aside toy, he felt used. In his fit of anger, he grabed what ever he could find on his messy desk and flung it across the room.

Near, who's bedroom door had been slightly open heard the entirety of their conversation, snickered silently, amused by the red head's frustrations. Matt noticed him, and with an angered look on his face, he walked into the albino's room, shutting the door behind him.

Near glared at him. "What are you doing here, Matt?"

"Oh nothing... don't you want to have fun, Near?" he whispered as he grabbed the albino's wrists, yanking him up, he threw him to the bed. Near gasped, his large grey eyes wide with shock. "Matt, please..." he exclaimed, as the red head struck him with a vicious, painful slap to his pale face. "No, shut up! Whatever happens between us is nothing but what Mello did to me, I'll make him pay." He exclaimed, his face contorted in his rage.

Near remained silent. His eyes wide with fear, as tears fell from his dark eyes dripping down his bruised pale face. Matt's assult continued as he continued to beat the albino, pulling off the smaller male's pajama pants, pressing down hard on his smooth, white thigh. The red head smiled sadistically as he thrusted into Near.

He cringed in pain, while Matt continued. Looking directly into his assulter's eyes, with his face soaked in tears, he his hands clutched the sheets as Matt looked at him, his face plastered with an angry frown, and continued. Matt gripped his chin, tilted it upwards and pushed his face away, in a rough movement. He moaned slowly, as he felt the wet, creamy liquid drip from him and the albino's lenght. He pulled out, and struck the albino once more.

Near curled up in a heap of pain and resentment. He was scared, but was too proud to show it. He remained silent as Matt stood to get dressed.

"Whenever you think of Mello, remember he's mine. Whenever you see him, I hope you get reminded of this afternoon." the copper headed teen proclaimed resentfully as he slammed the door shut.

Matt shook his head, as if to shake the memory away. He looked out his bedroom door, and right across from his was the albino's.

"I'm sorry, Mello." He whispered.


	4. Nothing but whore

Not Forever No. 4

Mello sighed. He bowed his head, holding it with his hands, as he sat at the corner of the bed. Overwhelming feelings of sadness flowed from him, his pride hurt, his body ached, and his heart broke. Draping the blanket over him, he looked over his shoulder as the silloute of a sleeping man came into view, his broad shoulders accentuated by the light that streamed through from the curtains. His chest rose and fell, as he tossed and turned slightly in his sleep. "Mello..." he whispered as his perfect lips formed the word.

Mello cringed. Once again he cried, his betrayal for Matt broke his heart, making him wish that he had only stayed. "But your so close, don't give up now..." he whispered silently to himself, as he stood up, wiping his tears away from his perfect pale features. Making his way to the bathroom, he shut the door behind him, and took a deep breath.

He viewed his mature self through the mirror, his bright turqouise eyes lost their shine, they were cold and hard. The golden mane of hair that sat on top of his head now almost reached his shoulder. His lean body, covered with dark bruises that littered his skin, a contrast to his pale flesh..."Enough!" he screamed in his head. He struck the mirror, holding his hand up to the mirror, tears dripping from his face. "I'm so dirty now, you don't deserve a whore like me, Matt..." he spoke under his breath, muttering. He pulled on a tiny pair of shorts, as an attempt to cover his shame, he quivered in sadness, hoping no one would witness his state.

Just then, the door flew open, the sleeping man from the opposite room, entered the bathroom. Mello gasped and stepped back, grabbing a towel to cover his exposed body, he fell back stumbling into the shower. "Mello... come back to bed with me..." he ordered, as he helped the blonde up. "Yes, Boss..." he stood up, his pride hurt, it took a lot of will for him submit to this man, he held his tongue for his calculating mind knew, that when the time was right... He would rise to the top too... and maybe then Matt can join him.

The man, whom he reffered to as 'Boss' was a tall dark man, in his mid 20's with attractive features, as well as tribal tattoos that ran up his arms, leeching their way up to the back of his shoulders. He had a sly smile, and a light cunning eyes, a contrast to his dark hair, and tanned skin. He ran the mafia, taking Mello in as his own personal 'toy' after he found the pale blonde in an alley way, when one of his men thought it would be a bright idea to mess with the blonde, but what suprised him was, underneath those beautiful features was a fighter.

Mello kicked his powerful leg, hitting the man squarely on his jaw, shattering his teeth. He picked the loser up and punched him until his hand hurt, and tried to take the guy's wallet and run. But the Boss stopped him, with a much better proposition for the smart young fighter, who was trying to make his own way in life. From then on, he was pretty much treated as the Boss' pet, much to the prideful blonde's dismay.

Dressed in nothing but tight shorts, Mello was taken back to the large spacious bed, where The Boss, looked him square in the eyes, as he lit his cigar. "What am I to you, Mello?" his smooth voice resonated from the room, as Mello contemplated. "Nothing of course." was what rang in his head, but his reply was the exact opposite. "Your my lover, Boss..." he spoke, barely above a whisper. He griped the younger man's jaw, yanking his face forward, their eyes meeting for a brief moment, before Mello looked away. "Don't lie to me." He whispered his once warm voice changing into a more sinister tone. He balled his hand into a fist, and Mello flinched.

But he stopped mid-way. In quick movements, everything was a blur.

A powerful kick to the Boss' hard abs, made the man fell slightly backwards, as Mello eyed his damage, "barely a nick..." he whispered, with full knowledge that he might get himself killed. "If I go down, I'll do it fighting. I'm not a coward.." he spoke, eyeing the dark man viciously as his eyes narrowed, like a missile locking onto a target. The Boss, smiled his light eyes glinting micheviously as if this was a game.

With a quick dash, the Boss reached for his gun. Mello leap from his spot, landing dead on infront of his oponent, he lifted his fist to strike, his fast movements too quick for the bigger man, as it landed on target leaving him with a bloody nose. He recoiled in pain and anger, cursing as he drew forth his revolver, out of his coat pocket, aiming it straight at Mello's head.

The blonde froze in fear, as much as he would hate to admit it. "Your screwed now, Mihael. You should've told Matt you loved him when you had the chance..." his concience teased. He shook his head, as his eyes were kept on the Boss' gun.

"What now, Mello? You see, I like you. A lot. Someday I even thought, I'd marry you. But never did it cross my mind that I'd have to kill you. Theres just something called pride. I know you have it too... and lots of it, I can't risk my reputation for a skanky little boy toy." He laughed, as he rubbed his bleeding nose, and layed his finger on the trigger still aimed to Mello's skull...


	5. Search

Not Forever No. 5

4:00 am. "Time to go." He whispered.

Matt looked around, his black backpack slung low over his shoulder. His thoughts raced, as he carefully tip toed across the hallway. With a regretful sigh, he slid the white envelope under the albino's door. He turned around the corner, and looked from right to left, his heart skipped, as he saw a familiar face lined with years of experience, a full head of curly graying hairs.

"Mail... Where might you be headed? Off to find Mihael?" The old man mumbled quietly.

"..." Matt stared him down, unaware of his next move.

"I understand, Mail. You are his dog after all..."

Matt stared at him with cold jade eyes. "I am not! You never trully knew him, didn't you, Roger? What gives you the right to judge him? or me?"

"If only you knew the knowledge I did." The old man spoke, barely above a whisper.

"I wouldn't care. I don't need that sort of crap! When I have Mello that's all I'll need." Anger rising from his low voice.

"Why don't I let Near explain to you the facts?" He slowly walked out of the living room, sulking into the darkened hallway.

Matt looked at him shocked, his eyes narrowed in anger, his lips upturned into a upset frown. He turned, heading towards the door.

"Matt... wait. I would like you to know the truth..." His grey eyes, clouded with watery tears from emotion.

"I know you dislike me, I also know that your off to be with Mello. But before you spill your heart for him, know that he was not entirely faithful..."

Near's words struck him far more painful than any physical harm would. The albino continued, his words echoing in Matt's ears, as Mello's lies unravelled.

It all started in a chilly evening in the House. Today was the day, that the great detective L was supposed to be comming for his annual visit. The children gathered around him, the House filling with the sound of happy chatter.

Matt never bothered with these things. He chose to stay alone, or with Mello. But Mello, he was different, he admired L, not necessarly wanted to be him, but admired him. He was always the first one to greet him.

Matt looked away from his game, and glanced at Mello. His eyes narrowed in jealousy. He always kept his mouth shut though. He couldn't bear to loose sight of Mello's bright smile.

Mello was chatting excitedly with L, his normally stoic and calm face, lit up as he spoke gently to the young blonde. "Mello, how about we talk more, in my room?" He spoke quietly, as the blonde smiled and nodded eagerly, his innocent eyes sparkling with glee.

Matt stared L down, but smiled slightly at Mello who waved at him.

"Back in a bit, Matty! Love ya."

L shut the door behind him.

He his lips turned to a sly smile, as he eyed Mello from head to toe. His svelte figure bright eyes, fresh faced features, and soft blonde hair.

"So perfect." He whispered, under his breath.

"So, L what were you going to tell me?" The young teen asked smiling.

"How about we play a game? I'm sure your old enough to have played this before? Perhaps with Mail?"

Heavy breathing, and pleasured moans echoed from the dark hallways, with pictures of smiling faces hanging from the blandly painted walls.

Matt sat with his back turned from the door, his emerald eyes fixed onto the T.V. screen, his thumbs busily twiddling the controllers. His mind swarming with thoughts, as his anxiety grew.

"What could you be doing in there, Mello?"

Mello cringed slightly inside, as L kissed his neck. "Your so warm, Mello." He whispered. L carressed his cheek, and looked into his eyes. For a minute, Mello could swear that he saw Matt's hurt face in place of L's. L kissed him gently, their tongues intertwining. With soft carreses to his bare chest, and hard length, Mello groaned in pleasure, conflicting with his emotions, as warm tears fell from his bright eyes, staining his young face. "Whats wrong, Mello?" L teased, his voice seductive.

Mello remained silent as he turned to his side. "Aren't you having fun? I thought I was important to you?"

L pulled his slender legs apart, he gasped in sudden shock. His tears fell faster, as he his breathing grew muffled from his crying."Don't you want to be a winner, Mello? You can't be one with Mail." He spoke, as he thrusted his large, hard member into Mello's moist warm entrance. He thrusted roughly, and hard, and with each thrust Mello cringed and moaned, tears dripping from his face. His scared turquoise eyes looking directly at L's dark blue irises. His voice quivered unsure. L continued, with heavy breathing, his hard grip on Mello's thighs leaving bruises.

"P...p...please...L...s...stop." His strong confident voice now quivered in fear.

L just laughed, and kept thrusting. He looked the blonde into his eyes. Warm liquid spilled into Mello, "L...I can't be you. I want Matty." He replied, as tears fell from his closed eyes. . L eyed him with shock, as he saw the mixture of semen and blood from underneath Mello.

"Mello? No!" He shook the blonde, but he remained in his hazy unconcious state.

"Mello opted for everyone to remain silent about the matter. We simply informed you that he fainted from stress fatigue and a fever due to the cold weather. But that was the truth, and may I remind you this was not the first time, he has done heinous acts with anyone but you. The other instances shall remain a secret for the time being." The albino spoke, calmly far from what he trully was in silence.

Matt balled his hands in fists, anger coursed through him. Not at Mello, but at L.

"No! I refuse to believe bull shit like this! Mello's innocent, and when I find him I'll prove it to all of you! Just watch me!" He hissed in an angry fit as he stormed out the door.


	6. Recollection with Linda

Not Forever No. 6

Days of wandering aimlessly around the city of L.A. has finally taken its toll on Matt. With no money in his pocket, especially when his ticket costed a fortune. Hungry, filthy and a little bit cold, he walked slowly his eyes narrowed, and his hands firmly snug into his faux-fur vest.

"I don't even know where I'm going... Mello where are you?" he whispered under his breath.

A medium-sized crowd of people gathered around a small shop, a short, slender woman stands, her back turned away from Matt.

His curiousity got the best of him, his mind wandering from his search. With slow steps, he walks over to the woman, tapping her shoulder.

"Excuse me, miss... can you help me find someone?" He asks, a small spark of hope was ignited in him, as she turned to face him.

"Mail? What are you doing here?" she whispered, as she grasped his hand.

Matt's eyes went wide with shock, as he viewed her from head to toe.

"Linda?" He replied, with a curious excitement.

Linda had changed significantly from when he last saw her. Her soft brunette hair that was bound in a pair of pigtails, were now cascading locks of soft brown curls, her sky blue eyes shone darker these days, and her once girlish figure was now replaced by a slender form.

"Matt, you shouldn't be here. Come with me... we can talk inside." she replied as she motioned for him to follow her inside the shop beside the crowded store.

The walls were lined by various toys, robots, blocks, dolls and teddy bears. Dust has settled on the shelves, and cobwebs hung from the ceiling like morbid lace. The counter seemed ancient, with dirty circus letter adorning the front, 'Dangerous Toys'.

Matt shivered, the creepy atmosphere of the place darkening his mood. Linda called out to him from the hallway, and he walked past the broken dolls making his way to her.

She smiled silently, her pale cheeks forming a blush. "Matt... I've heard that you've travelled here to find Mihael. But you should know that I cannot trust you to disclose his location, so I will take you to him, blindfolded." she stated, with a wicked twinkle in her eyes and a her soft pink lips curled into a delightfully evil smile.

Matt looked at her with a curious look. "No, Linda, listen to me first... what is this place...what are you doing here?"

Linda walked over Matt, giving him a heartfelt hug. "Oh, Matty. You don't know anything do you?" her voice turned gentle.

His face lit up in a confused stare. "What do you mean by that, Linda?"

She gave him a quick smile, then motioned for him to take a seat on the dark dusty couch.

"You see, when Mello left, it inspired me to leave as well, I met with him in about a year after I left the house. After a while, he was determined to be better than Near like always, and to get connections he decieded to join the mafia. He didn't exactly tell me how he got in, and to be perfectly honest, I don't want to give you anymore information about him than necessary. " She ranted.

"Why do you feel as if you can't fucking trust me?" a slight tinge of anger rising in his voice.

"I just can't take any chances. But your probably wondering what I'm doing in this toy shop." she whispered, her eyes narrowed and twinkling.

"Only a bit." Matt laughed as he lit a cigarette. The mood seemed to have lightned, as the flame from the fire place flickered gently.

"Well, I found work immediately after I left the house, when I accidentally bumped into a kind old woman, you know me, a klutz." She commented blushing lightly.

"She owned this old shop, but little did I know that these toys weren't intended for a child's innocence, they hid a sort of deadly secret. They were just used as vessels to transport hand guns, pistols and other weapons, and that's how Mello and I met up. His mafia needed guns, and let's just say they wanted to make a purchase. Soon after, the woman, Mrs. Brownings died, and left the shop to me. If I do recall correctly, her last words were, "I hope this place brings you as much adventure as it did to me." Anyways, enough with me, tell me about you."

"What else do you want to hear? Nothing really note worthy, can't you just take me to Mello already?" He replied taking a long drag from his cigarette.

Her eyes danced with glee, and her motions were a bit giddy, as she blindfolded the red head.

"Come on, follow me!" she remarked as she gripped him hand tightly.

The car ride was mostly silent, and it lead Matt's mind to wander to the days of his childhood, then to his beloved.

"Is Mello still the same Mello that I fell in love with?" He wondered silently.

The sound of laughter echoed from the dark walls, as a young copper-headed boy of about 9 smiled, gently touching his blonde best friend's soft hand. It was valentines day, and day shone with love. Sunlight streamed from the large open window that adjacently facing their beds. Birds chirped in harmony.

"Here." Mello said, as he handed Matt a small parcel wrapped in white paper, with a sticker of Mario adorning the cover.

"What's this, Mells?" Matt replied as he smiled. Mello blushed as he looked away.

"Look away for a sec, 'kay?" Matt said as he pulled out a large heart shaped box.

"Uhm...I know you like chocolate...and..I just.." Matt replied blushing madly, as he handed Mello the box looking away.

"Oh shut up and kiss me." Mello said as he pulled Matt in for a kiss. It was a gentle kiss, but the purest kind, something rare, a special kiss and his first as well.

Matt looked at him kindly, as he touched his lips. He was kissed by Mello. He, Matt Jeevas was kissed by Mello. He blushed as he smiled with joy, as he heard his fair-haired friend giggle cutely.

She led him into a car, lit only by dim wall lights. "Matt, Why exactly did you fall for him? He treats you rather unfairly." she questioned, as she drove the road ahead of them dark, illuminated by only her two headlights.

Matt laughed cooly at her comment. "It's hard to explain but it was an instant attraction. Plus, you gotta admit, he's pretty unique. When are you ever gonna find a moody, bitchy, sassy, chocoholic?"

"I wish I can find someone for me too." she laughed.

Matt's mind wandered, reminders of his childhood days returned to him. He wondered, "How is Mello now, is he still the same Mello I loved?"


	7. Shattered Pride and Rise to power

Not Forever No. 7

"Boss... please.." he begged, his as he balled his fists, holding in his pride.

"That's much better, Mello. I knew you would get your act together." he laughed triumphantly, tossing his gun aside.

"Oh, boss... I know I've been bad lately... how about I do something to make up for that?~" he coaxed, as he kissed the nape of the man's neck. He had a seductive look on his face, but his eyes were darkened by scorn.

The boss smiled darkly, as Mello continued. He gently slid his pocket knife from his back pocket, he kissed him, to seal the deal. Distracted, he held Mello close to him. Mello moaned slightly, enticing him. With his soft lips pressed up against the boss' ear, he seductively whispered, "Enjoy it. It might be your last..."

The tanned man's eyes went wide with shock, as Mello plundged the blade into his back. He cried out in pain, cringing, as he tried to push Mello away. But much to his dismay, the blonde stayed put, pushing the knife into him once more.

"Shit! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he yelled as he held his bleeding stomach. Mello moved quickly, diving for the discarded gun. He took hold of it, his finger placed squarely on the trigger, aimed directly at the larger man's forehead.

"Your time is up." he said calmly as he pulled the trigger. The man fell for to his knees, he let out a gurgled cry as he fell to a crumpled heap on the floor. Fresh blood splattered on the wall, along with chunks of flesh from his skull.

Mello smiled triumphantly, as he yanked the body forward, dragging it out the door. He walked out, carefully, skeptical that the men would answer to someone like him for commands.

One man passed him and gasped, looked at the body, then back up at him. "H..How'd...Why'd...you kill him?"

Mello slumped to the floor, crying silently. He looked at his bloodied hands and shook quietly, sobs escaping his throat.

Linda swung the door open, pulling Matt up, and dragged him inside. "Come on. We're here..." she smiled, looking at him with warm eyes, leading him into the darkened room, shutting the door behind them.

She spun around gleefuly, as she placed her gentle hands over his eyes. Her skillful fingers gently, untying the knot that held black blindfold in place.

Matt rubbed his eyes, and looked at her with a some sort of confusion.

"What if what he said was what he ment, Linda." he spoke, barely above a whisper. Doubt was clouding his mind, and butterflies were making his insides bubble.

"Don't think about that." she dissmissed as she led him in front of a dirt-streaked door, at the end of a dim hallway.

She knocked quietly and tossed a piece of paper underneath the door.

The door opened quietly, and they were allowed in by a dangerous looking man, his large frame forming looming shadows on the wall.

"Wait here." he mumbled gruffly.

With a knock, a cold voice came from behind the door, allowing the large man inside.

Matt's heart pounded faster. The man allowed them to enter, and Matt's heart leapt, when he saw a familiar face peeking out from underneath the large leather seat. He studied Mello's face for a minute. His gaze unfading from his once gentle and childish love.

He was kept focus, plainly on Mello's cold gaze. His mouth formed a scornful frown, and his bright eyes were now replaced by a cold as ice stare, a look as if his innocence was taken away. Matt looked on, not uttering a single word, he was shocked, and he was at a lost for words. His eyes, his lover's eyes, were so different, it scared him slightly just by the thought of a Mello different from his own.

"What do you want, Linda?" Mello asked, snapping a piece of his chocolate off. He focused on the brown-haired woman, his attention turned away from Matt. He hated to admit it, but the copper headed geek was his most important treasure.

"Please, Mello. I was just here to escort Matt." She replied as she left quietly.

A sudden surge of rage filled Matt. He stormed over to Mello, slamming his fists on the arm rests of the chair. Mello flinched slightly looking at him wide-eyed.

"How can you act like nothing happened? I waited for you, Mello! I waited for years! And now that I'm here you fucking act like I don't even exsist! Can't you stop yourself from being so selfish for once? I love you so much! Please..." Matt screamed, before breaking down, warm angry tears fell from his emerald eyes.

Mello looked at him coldly, wrapping his arms around Matt's neck, drawing him in for a heated and passionate kiss. "Please try to understand me, Mail." Mello whispered fighting back tears.


	8. Love, Hate and Your Abuse

Not Forever No. 8

"Where the fuck do you think your going? Get back here!" He screams, as he yanks his lover's hand back into the apartment. A harsh slap to his face, made him exhale deeply, his blood boiling. Why was this happening why was their life falling apart?

"Shut up, Matt! I don't want you! We're done! Through!" He screamed through his cletched teeth, before pointing his pistol to the copper-headed man's face.

Matt threw his hands up. "Mello... please, calm down... I love you..please, hear me out. I'm sorry. It's all my fault." he whispered gently, reaching for the gun, as the blonde handed it to him, slumping to the ground.

He threw the gun to the floor, as he got closer to his lover, their faces only inches away from each other, as he placed his hands on the wall, trapping the blonde. "I can't let you go. I'm sorry." he whispered coldly, Mello's light eyes grew wide with shock, as Matt pulled out a syringe from his pocket, pulling off the top with his teeth. Mello struggled, trying to squirm away from him, half hesitant, for his heart was telling him to stay. Matt grabbed him harshly, as he plunged the syringe deep into his arm, injecting him with the toxic drug, leaving him in a crumpled heap, as it coursed through his body.

"I'm so sorry... Mello, I didn't mean to. I couldn't let you leave me..." Matt exclaimed, in the brink of a mental breakdown as he clutched his weak, drugged, lover's body near him. Mello giggled, his eyes glazed, as he moved his hand around Matt's face. "Heh. Mr. Elephant, I really... Hmm? Yes. 2 scoops of tea, please." he mumbled the hallucinations taking over him.

Matt smiled, through tearful eyes, as he carried Mello over to the bed, tying his lover to the bed frame. "Shh... Your mine. Mine, You won't leave right?" Mello smiled

uncharacteristically enthusiastic, as he nodded his head vigorously. "Mhm... Mhm... Matty, Matty, I love you. Here's a flower." He said as he grasped the air as if holding a flower, handing it to the red head. Matt smiled, his mind racing with the guilt as he gently stroked Mello's soft blonde hair.

"Hm, what a beautiful flower, much like the one I got you when we were kids." Matt pretended, twirling the invisible flower in his hand, reminicing the past. "When we were kids? What are you talking about, Matty you gave that to me just yesterday..." Mello chriped, as he started humming. "I wish we could stay like this, Mello." He whispered, tears falling from his eyes, as he drew Mello closer to him.

"Why not?"

It rang in Matt's ears as he sliced deep into his chest, ribbons of blood dripping onto the cold white tile of the empty bathroom. Mello layed unconcious on their bed, his arms bruised, bound by the hard chains attatched to the bed frame. He shivered, as blood dripped from his pale flesh, he shivered not from the cold, but for the deep guilt, that he felt. It wasn't right. He couldn't keep Mello like this forever. Their love was starting to fade, ever since he started to loose himself. He could feel himself slipping into the darkness, after he realized Mello's plans...

He couldn't bare to think about Mello's death. No, it was too much. He tried so hard to keep a straight face, a facade.

When he saw Mello try to leave him, one foot out the door, he couldn't help but breakdown. Not even a goodbye. What if it was the last time he saw him? He shook, he couldn't.. He repeated over and over. How could he understand him if he was willing to risk, what he deemed as the most important matter. After his long quest, refusing to give in, he sees him finally, and it felt like a most painful stab to his heart.

"I'm leaving, Matt."

His strong voice rang in Matt's ears over and over, like a taunting song, as he sliced his chest deeper, plunging his body in a tub full of boiling water, the blood staining it. A punishment as you will, for what he's done.

"Don't you love me, Mihael?" He asked, as he allowed the scalding water flow over his deep wounds.


End file.
